If you carry someone else’s fears and live by someone else’s values, you may find that you have lived their lives.

― Rachel Naomi Remen

What is your greatest fear?  Don’t give me some generic answer like death.  What fear holds you back, keeps you in check, protects you?  Fear of failure; fear of losing control; fear of being perceived as a fake; fear of not ‘doing’ something with your life?


What are your most cherished values?  Authenticity; accumulation of knowledge; generosity; bravery; humor?

Now that you have your fears and values in mind, how can you be sure they are your own?


When I was little, my Mom talked to me of her never-ending and crippling shyness in hopes of sparing me the same fate.  While her words helped encourage me in the right direction, her actions (and the actions of my entire family) modeled how to excel at being shy, which is exactly what I did. 

Because of my Mom’s words, I was conspicuously aware of my shyness and how weird it made me seem to others.  I fought and fought to overcome it, thinking something must be genetically wrong with me.  As an adult, I slowly realized that the problem was simply that I’d never been shown how to communicate and interact with others.  I had been taught in many ways to fear others judgement of me.  I was ‘told’ that what others thought of me didn’t matter and I was ‘shown’ that it mattered more than anything.  Actions speak louder than words.  I was terrified of people.

I claimed this fear as my own and blamed no one for my shortcomings for over 30 years.  By the time I figured out the depths of my fear and the actual underlying reasons, my heart broke for the many adults in my life who remained crippled in fear and dejection.

It was liberating to understand the roots of this so-called family curse.  {{{Knowledge is power.}}}   It was also empowering to realize it was within my power to take control of my life.  While I have fears that certainly are my own, shyness is not one of them, despite it having controlled so much of my life. 

Are you ready to learn which fears and values you are living that may not be your own, that may not be serving your true self?  Try these simple steps to be sure you are living as authentic Powerful You!

Let’s Chat! What fears or values have you been toting around for others? What will your life look like without that fear/value?